Horse stuff

Sailor looks at me over her shoulder.

Noble stares through the fence.

No change

Wish I had better news to report. My mother continues to decline. She is still in the hospital, awaiting nursing home placement. I was told today by an elder care manager that the only places that will take someon as severe as she is are in Massachusetts. The one place that has said they can take her is in Pittsfield, MA, about 1 1/2 hr. from me. But they do not have a bed for her. I cannot bear to see her suffer like this. If she is awake, she is agitated and fearful. Now she has started crying unconsolably for no reason. Because the insurance company is still refusing to pay the hospital, they don't seem motivated to try and help her. The have a geriatric psychiatry unit (where she should be) but they won't move her there. We changed her insurance to a better plan, but that doesn't take effect until June 1. It's hard enough to see your mom suffer like this, but having a bureaucracy working against you makes it even worse. My brother and I are emotionally and psychologically exhausted. It's like the past 2 months have been one long emergency that never ends. It's getting hard to go on (and really hard to stay focused at work), but we don't have any choice.

It gets worse

Since my last entry, things have gone totally downhill with my mom. The Tuesday after Mother's Day, she bit a staff member at assisted living, and we were told we had to get her out that day. I found a very nice private home (state licensed) that would take her. The first day wasn't too bad, but the second day she became so violent and out of control the woman had no choice but to bring her to the ER at a local hospital. She is still there, and constantly medicated to the point of being bedridden so she is not combative. It is a pitiful sight, she is barely conscious, unable to feed herself, and tied to the bed. I cannot believe this has happened in a matter of weeks. Her insurance company is refusing to pay for her hospital admission, saying she doesn't need the care. We cannot find a nursing home that will take her with her severe dementia issues. This is a nightmare that doesn't end. Fortunately, she has a DNR order. I am at the point where death would be kinder than the existence that she has been sentenced to. For a woman who spent her entire life giving to others, this is a cruel way to finish her final years.

Happy Mother's Day

For Mother's Day, my entire family took my mom out to Friendly's for ice cream sundaes. Given her current state, we figured it was what she could handle. She seemed to enjoy herself (even though she's still groggy from the med she's taking). Afterward, we all went back to the assisted living place where she is staying and visited for a while. She was happy until everyone started leaving. For some reason, she acted like she was there for the first day, and was only looking at the place. She was shocked when I told her she had to stay. Then she got mad and agitated and demanded her car keys so she could leave and go home. She hasn't driven since last August. So the visit started nice but ended unhappy. I'm hoping when we change her medication she won't be as confused so she can understand things better. You can tell she's over medicated because her eyes are only half open like someone who is stoned. I feel bad for her, but we can't make her understand that she cannot take care of herself anymore. The place she is staying is absolutely gorgeous and wonderful, and staffed by extremely caring people. I just wish she was happier.

On the horse side, I let Noble and Sailor down into our front paddock (borders the road) for the first time this year. They ran down the hill like a couple of kids and got all excited when they saw how nice the grass was. So the horses had a good day. And I really think I should get Sailor a grazing muzzle, because she just can't control herself.

A real day off

Finally, today I had a day off, and really didn't have to be anywhere, except here in the morning when the vet came. Today was "spring shots" day. Sailor also had a Coggins drawn, and Noble had her teeth done. The vet who came was someone who hadn't been here before, and he was very thorough - and very young and cute! I'd heard about him from some of my friends, but hadn't met him yet. Anyway, he gave Noble an exam, and told me that she has a diastolic heart murmur. Seems there's a lot of noise when her heart fills up with blood. It could be an age thing, or she could have had it her whole life. So he gave her very light sedation to float her teeth. She was good about the whole thing, as usual. He also checked her eyes, and said that she has the beginnings of cataracts. So at 29, age is catching up with even tough old Noble. She hasn't slowed down a bit, though. After the sedation wore off, she was out in the paddock chasing Sailor as usual.

As good as Noble was, Sailor was a brat. She went into a back corner and put her head down when she saw the vet. When I tried to put a halter on, she started jumping around and it got a little dangerous, so he did Noble first. After the second try, I went into Sailor's stall and through the rope around her neck, and caught her that way. What a baby she is when it comes to the vet! And all she had done was a Coggins test, a rabies shot and a 5-way vaccine. It was over in 2 minutes. I'm going to have the vet return to do the West Nile shot, because I found that Noble got really under the weather if I included this one with the others.

In other news, my mom is now in a special "memory care" facility that is beautiful, and has a staff that knows how to deal with someone with dementia. It truly is lovely, and the people are wonderful and very patient. She has a very large room, and we brought her own double bed in yesterday so she will feel more at home. She is calmer than has she been of late, and is a little more lucid. Yesterday I had to take her to the doctor and then we went shopping at JCPenney, which she seemed to enjoy. So things are finally better, even though we don't have her meds figured out yet. I just found out that the staff psychiatrist saw her today and made a slight change. Hopefully we will get there.