My sick kitty

After a couple of weeks of trying to convince myself that there was nothing really wrong with my cat Freya, I finally decided to call the vet today. She had a serious fever of 105.1 about 3 weeks ago, that required a 3-day hospitalization. After a week of antibiotics and anti-inflammatory meds, she was doing much better. But she never really got her mojo back. Typically, she's ready to go out first thing in the morning and start her day. But she has been very quiet in the morning, sometimes not even getting up to eat for more than an hour after we awake. When she did go out, she came back after about an hour and collapsed. So today we went back to the vet, who examined her carefully.

Good news was she has no fever, and all vital signs were good. But her breathing had a little "squeak" in it, and the vet believes that she has asthma. She had a serious respiratory illness during the summer that caused a nasty cough, and it's possible it damaged her airway. Having a serious fever probably knocked the stuffing out of her, leaving her weakened. So she got a steroid shot to help relieve the inflammation. I hope it works. She is functional, but just not herself. I've had lots of cats, but this is the first time I've had to deal with asthma. I hope we can get her by this, because she is a cat that just loves life and likes to live pedal to the metal. We'll know in a couple of days if the shot worked.

Gorgeous sunset

Here's what the sunset looked like from my front yard on Wednesday, Nov. 11. It seems like the sky is on fire.

Today I did a groundwork training session with my Appy mare, Sailor. She did really well - and so did I! This is our third session within the last week, and I push her a little farther each time. It's been a while since I trained her all by myself, so it's a confidence builder for me too. She is so bright, she remembers mostly everything. But she is not a confident horse, so I have to work on inspiring her to have confidence in me. If I can conquer that, I believe I will be able to ride her again. She is a horse who wants a strong leader, and I have to prove to her that I am that person. When she believes in her leader, she is a wonderful horse to ride.

Catching up

Well, it's been a long time since I last posted on this blog. Life has been eventful, although not in a great way. On October 16, I was notified at work that my position was being eliminated, and therefore they did not need me anymore. Of course nothing could be further from the truth - there was still plenty of work that needed to be done (with a full slate of events). The real situation was that the guy who was brought in to be "Community Connection Coordinator" (a made-up title to create a job for this loser) was threatened by the fact that I knew he was a fraud whose M.O. was to do NO work. To cover up for his lack of doing anything that resembled work, when the s**t hit the fan, he would throw the blame on me. Needless to say, I would not stand for this, and immediately notified the general manager that this guy was lying and what the real truth was. The bad news for me, was that while the rest of the staff knew this guy was bogus, the G.M. thinks he walks on water. So I became a liability to the Mr. Work Avoider, and a major threat to him. In addition, he has worked there before, and I had already been told that he will want an assistant - a much younger, cute assistant - preferrably under 25 years old. So I certainly didn't fit the bill. I was forced out, given severance pay, and sent on my way without even being able to say goodbye to any of my coworkers. It was a shameful and disgusting way to treat someone who gave 110% every day for three years. I won't be going to the Northshire Bookstore again for any time in the future.

In other not-great news, I didn't win the election for the Town Council seat. I worked my tail off campaigning, going door to door to 1,000s of homes. Unfortunately, being a Democrat in a Republican town was a huge disadvantage, combined with the fact that I have only lived here for 4 years. In a small town, I was viewed suspiciously. The really irritating thing is that of the 2 guys who got elected, one did absolutely no campaigning, and his entire platform was that he has lived in the town all his life. I don't know him, but I've been told that he is a slacker who can't hold a job and is very lazy. Oh well. On the plus side, I made a lot of new friends and had a wonderful group of supporters who worked very hard for me. So all in all, it was a great experience.

A few days before the election I was asked to stand in for our county Democratic chair at an informal meet and greet with NY Senator Kirsten Gillibrand. It was a thrill to meet her, and get my photo taken with her. She's a real fireball, and a nice person. Here we are at a restaurant in Queensbury, NY.

Busy Busy

Even though I'm on vacation, life has accelerated for me as my campaign for Town Council kicks into high gear. Last night I had to forgo my riding lesson to attend an interview with the local Labor Council. It was a grueling interview in front of about 8 union presidents. I thought I was going to a social "meet and greet" so was unprepared for this. The other candidates ahead of me made formal presentations, and I was totally unprepared. What a nightmare. I was grilled about my beliefs about unions and organizing. When it was over, I thought I would never get endorsed. But I got called by the Council president today, who said I was unanimously endorsed. So I must have done something right.

Tomorrow I go door to door on my street to say hi and let the neighbors know I'm running. I wave to my horses in my travels, and hope to ride again soon.

Two healthy cats at once

After a week of giving Freya (the cat) two different medications (a feat I somehow accomplished) she recovered from her illness. She did have a "set back" day in the middle of the med course, but regrouped and ended up recovering nicely. So for a change, I have two healthy cats at once. Let's hope it lasts.

The horses are doing well. Tomorrow night my instructor is coming, and we may saddle Sailor to see what she thinks of riding after being off for a year. Her groundwork manners are much improved, so maybe it will translate to being better behaved with a rider in the saddle.

My campaign for Town Council is moving into high gear. I have my brochure, and signs are ordered. This weekend we should start going door to door, the key to getting elected. I'll be working with our town supervisor, who won 2 years ago just by getting out and meeting people. I'm going to be very busy, but somehow I'll get through, as always. Here's the link to my campaign blog.

The summer of sick cats

It seems we can't have both of our cats heathly at the same time. Now it's Freya's turn to be sick. She's been out of sorts for about a week, and vomited a couple days ago. Then she perked up, so I thought she had just eaten something outside that needed to come out. Then she started with this congested cough, and yesterday morning instead of eating or asking to go out she just laid there. So it was back to the vet's (I must keep them in business). She had a fever about 103, and her throat was filled with congestion. She kept making these exaggerated swallowing motions, and would sometimes cough. The vet said they have seen many cats come in with the same symptoms, and they don't know if it's a virus or something outside the cats are eating (all the cats that have come in are outdoor cats). With the insane amount of rain we've gotten this year, some new kind of plant might be around. It takes almost 2 weeks for the cats to get better, she said. Freya got 2 shots (antibiotic and something to relieve the congestion) and we have to give her prednisone and a fiber capsule to clean out her system. That is loads of fun! Today she is coughing periodically, but is much more active and is eating. So it's good to see her doing better. Meanwhile, Lacey is out running the fields or whatever she does out there. Good thing I have a job to pay my vet bills.

What a turkey!

We have a large flock of turkeys living in the woods behind my house. There are 3 adult females and 15 babies. They have been hanging around the horse paddocks (they eat manure, I'm told), but the other day, one brave female came up right behind the house. I looked out the window and first saw my cat Lacey, laying down very flat in the grass. I couldn't imagine what she was doing, and then I saw the turkey walking by, doing her turkey walk very slowly. The tip of Lacey's tale was twitching, and I yelled through the window to try and get her attention, so she wouldn't attack the bird. Then the turkey walked under the fence and down into the paddock. Talk about a strange encounter!

Nice day!

After yesterday's torrential rains, it's so nice to have a sunny and clear day. It's official - our area got so much rain in July, it set a record. In the 183 years of weather record-keeping, July 2009 is the rainiest. What is going on? I guess that's what global warming means for the northeast - getting drowned out.

This afternoon JD and I went across the border to a little town in Vermont, where a fundraiser was being held for a soon to open hospice house in my town. They had a great crowd. It was classic Americana: the grounds of this organization (Woodmen of something or other)has a cute bandstand, and there was a choral group singing songs like Amazing Grace. A local community band (which was very good) followed. We had a barbecue chicken dinner prepared by the local Fish & Game Club. There were little kids playing in the grass, and it was just lovely. I felt like I had stepped back in time 100 years. And all for a very good cause. The hospice house will open in September, and I'm planning to buy something for it. They're registered at Target! So it's easy to see what is needed, and there are items in every price range.

Tomorrow I'm going with my new riding instructor to look at a horse that I looked at last year. It's a long trip - almost 2 hours - for us to drive to the Chatham, NY area. But this horse, a nice 6 year old reg. QH gelding, is now free to a good home. He's a little big for me, and a little too energetic, but he's very willing and I think would be a good lesson horse for my instructor to have at her facility. And he would get a good home. It looks like we'll be driving in the rain - once again - but we'll survive. The area we're going to had catastrophic flooding the other day, after it got 5" of rain. It will be interesting to see the conditions there. I'll get to see my friend Cheryl, who I have not seen in months. So I'm looking forward to a good trip.

It's always something

So we just get our hay put up, and I'm feeling pretty smug about things. I'm planning our next home improvement (front porch) and what to our wondering eyes does appear but nasty fluid bubbling up from the ground in one of the paddocks. Yup, that's where the leach field is. So we have a pretty serious septic system problem. Yesterday JD dug a hole behind the house, and pretty quickly found the septic tank cover. Now he just has to call to get someone to come and pump it out. He spoke to a friend that's a civil engineer, who thinks that the break the leach field will get when the tank is empty might help rectify things. Let's hope. We would have to take down horse fence to install a whole new leach field, and it would be very expensive. Ugh. I'm just trying to be optimistic, and not paranoid every time I flush the toilet. Country life!

Gorgeous view

Here is the view from Phil Hodge's place in Hartford, NY, where we get our hay. It is beautiful countryside.

Hay there

Here's our last load of hay for the year. It's the biggest load we've ever put on our little Toyota pickup - 30 bales. We just had 3 miles to go to get home, so it wasn't bad. This is the sweetest, sofest, second-cut hay I've ever seen. It's almost like cotton candy. And of course, the horses go crazy for it. I can't believe it's only July 18 and we already have all our hay for the next year (300 bales).

Here's my husband JD unloading bales from the hay wagon. It's a workout unloading the wagon, loading up the truck, then unloading the truck and putting it up in the hayloft. We don't have an elevator, so it's all done by muscle power (his and mine). We never get second cut this early, but our supplier, Phil, cut one field before our 5 weeks of rain started, so that field regrew, and voila - we've got second cut. What a relief to know we're all set.

HAY!

Finally - after a month of rain, we got 2 days of dry weather and my hay supplier was able to cut. So yesterday and today JD and I made repeated trips with his pickup to start filling the hayloft for the coming year. Right now we've got 135 bales of first cut, and 50 bales of second cut, because there was one field he was able to cut over a month ago that regrew. The second cut is awesome! The first cut is as would be expected for mature hay. It's got some stalky stuff in it, but also some of the mid-summer grass hay that had grown into it. But the best part is that it is clean hay, no undesirable stuff or weeds in it. We just need to get about 115 more bales to have our year's worth. I'm going to wait for the second cut for that.

Tonight it feels like October. It's cool and the sky has those fall-looking clouds. We still haven't had much summer weather yet. I hear that places like Texas have triple digit temperatures, which is hard to imagine right now. The farrier comes tomorrow morning, so at least it will be comfortable for him to work. I'm going to put front shoes on Sailor, so we can start working her more with the idea of riding her.

My mom continues to do amazing well on her new med. She is back to where she was over a year ago. And I think the memory medicine "nemeda" has worked to help her cognition. She is astoundingly sharp for someone who could not even converse a couple of months ago. I just hope this continues. That's all for now - got to go out and throw the horses a little bit of night time hay.

Happy 4th!

Fourth of July for me meant doing some work around the house, some gardening and barn cleaning. In the evening though, we went out for dinner, something we haven't done in a long time. We went to one of our favorite places, located in Pawlet, VT, called The Barn. It's a 100 year old barn that has been turned into a restaurant, and still is very much a barn inside. It was a nice dinner and a nice time.

Today the sun came out! Maybe because it has been raining non-stop for a month, but the sky seemed more blue than I'd seen it in some time. I couldn't stop staring at the wonder of it. I did something I haven't been able to do yet this year: sit out on my deck and soak up a few rays. It's hard to believe we haven't had a decent day until July 5. In celebration of the nice weather, and so I could say we did something on this holiday weekend, JD and I went to a lakeside party at a restaurant on a local lake (Glen Lake). This place used to be our hangout when we lived in Queensbury, so we know the owner well. She had booked a band, which played on the lawn by the lake. We ran into tons of people we hadn't seen in a long time, and my son Craig even joined us for a while. It was a relaxing way to spend the afternoon, and I think JD enjoyed it after working long hours on the Minne-Ha-Ha on Thursday and Friday.

So no horse time this weekend, but maybe tomorrow I will be able to work Sailor. She responded well to our work last week, so it's important to continue. It would be a huge accomplishment for me to be riding her again sometime soon.

I rode today!

Finally, after many months (last September I think), I rode. My fear had built to the point where I didn't think I could get on a horse at all, even Noble. But I did. My neighbor Yvonne came over, and worked Sailor for quite a while. Sailor apparently thought her life's mission was to lounge around and graze all day, so she wasn't with the program at first, But eventually, she decided it was easier to do what the trainer wanted, instead of fighting it or ignoring her. After she was worked and bathed, Yvonne's husband Kevin did some light ground work with Noble, who was much better than Sailor. She knows what to do, and knows it's much easier to just do the right thing and be done with it. Then I rode her in the arena for a bit. We walked and trotted, even a little pattern. I only got nervous when Noble suddenly put her head down, and I had visions of Sailor doing that last summer just before I was launched. But she was just trying to get rid of a deer fly on her nose. I actually had to work a bit to keep her in the trot, because she was a little tired from her ground work. As frustrating as that is, it's better than trying to hang on when I horse is running away with you, as Yvonne pointed out. The main thing is I rode, even if it was old Noble, and I gained a wee bit of confidence. We'll do it again tomorrow, if the rain holds off.

On the mom front, my mother is doing much better on her new medication. She is happy, in a good mood whenever I visit. She's quite coherent, even if she doesn't always get reality correct. She's so good, she really could go back to assisted living, but unfortunately her money is tied up legally with the whole nursing home thing, and it will be gone within a few months. So I'm afraid she is a nursing home patient forever. If only one of the many places she has been in had known about this med, she might not have ended up in a dementia ward for the most extreme cases. But I'm not going to get going on that now.

In other animal news, we almost lost my cat Lacey this week. On Wednesday evening it became apparent she wasn't well. She didn't eat, just laid there and slept. So on Thursday morning I took her to the vet and left her there for the day so they could evaluate her. She had a fever of 104.8, and they gave her an IV, antibiotics, and a NSAID to try and bring it down. Friday morning her temp was still 104.2. So she stayed another day, while they tried to get her better. Her right eye was swollen shut, and they had to remove a small piece of grass from under her third eyelid. We'll never know if she was sick from an eye infection, or if it was a virus. But it didn't look good for a while. But on Saturday morning her temp was normal, and I was able to bring her home. She's still on an antibiotic and has to stay in for a week. She's feeling so much better though, that she follows me around the house yelling at me because I won't let her out. It's annoying, but I'm just happy that she is well again.

Rolling!

Noble in the middle of a good roll.

Just an update

I have been so neglectful of this blog. It looks like my life might calm down a bit because my mom is now in a nursing home in Bennington, Vermont. It's hard to visit, because she is in a dementia unit with people who are the worst of cases. When I saw her last week, she was very out of it, but still begged me to take her home. It really is heartbreaking to have to leave your mother in this situation. The staff is very caring, but it is institutional there. They have her on a new medication, that my brother feels has helped her awareness. We'll see how it goes.

Meanwhile, I have been working on a freelance writing job for a local school district's newsletter that is occupying all my free time. The poor horses don't see much of me, between two jobs and visiting my mom. I'm hoping to make time for them in the near future. I really need to get back on a horse for my own confidence, which took a serious hit last summer when Sailor threw me for the second time. It's awful, after 12 years of riding 3-4 times/week, to suddenly be totally afraid to get on even old Noble. And I hate myself for it. There's a new equine facility that opened near me that offers lessons, and I'm thinking of taking a lesson or two on a school horse just to get my confidence back. It's really crazy to take care of two horses that I don't ride.

Work at the bookstore keeps me very occupied. We have 17 author events in June, which is a lot considering I am a one-person department - and I work part-time. Fortunately July is shaping up to have only 11 events, which is much more manageable for me. Our big "star" author is Michael Lang, the creator/producer of the original Woodstock Festival in 1969. He has a book coming out called The Road to Woodstock, and it's fascinating reading. You get all the dirt on what went on behind the scenes. I worked in the press tent at the 1994 Woodstock Festival, and bumped into Michael Lang, but never officially met him. So this should be interesting. He's sort of an enigmatic person, so we'll see how open he is in person. Anybody near Manchester, Vermont on July 25, come on over and meet him and relive the old hippie days!

Horse stuff

Sailor looks at me over her shoulder.

Noble stares through the fence.

No change

Wish I had better news to report. My mother continues to decline. She is still in the hospital, awaiting nursing home placement. I was told today by an elder care manager that the only places that will take someon as severe as she is are in Massachusetts. The one place that has said they can take her is in Pittsfield, MA, about 1 1/2 hr. from me. But they do not have a bed for her. I cannot bear to see her suffer like this. If she is awake, she is agitated and fearful. Now she has started crying unconsolably for no reason. Because the insurance company is still refusing to pay the hospital, they don't seem motivated to try and help her. The have a geriatric psychiatry unit (where she should be) but they won't move her there. We changed her insurance to a better plan, but that doesn't take effect until June 1. It's hard enough to see your mom suffer like this, but having a bureaucracy working against you makes it even worse. My brother and I are emotionally and psychologically exhausted. It's like the past 2 months have been one long emergency that never ends. It's getting hard to go on (and really hard to stay focused at work), but we don't have any choice.

It gets worse

Since my last entry, things have gone totally downhill with my mom. The Tuesday after Mother's Day, she bit a staff member at assisted living, and we were told we had to get her out that day. I found a very nice private home (state licensed) that would take her. The first day wasn't too bad, but the second day she became so violent and out of control the woman had no choice but to bring her to the ER at a local hospital. She is still there, and constantly medicated to the point of being bedridden so she is not combative. It is a pitiful sight, she is barely conscious, unable to feed herself, and tied to the bed. I cannot believe this has happened in a matter of weeks. Her insurance company is refusing to pay for her hospital admission, saying she doesn't need the care. We cannot find a nursing home that will take her with her severe dementia issues. This is a nightmare that doesn't end. Fortunately, she has a DNR order. I am at the point where death would be kinder than the existence that she has been sentenced to. For a woman who spent her entire life giving to others, this is a cruel way to finish her final years.

Happy Mother's Day

For Mother's Day, my entire family took my mom out to Friendly's for ice cream sundaes. Given her current state, we figured it was what she could handle. She seemed to enjoy herself (even though she's still groggy from the med she's taking). Afterward, we all went back to the assisted living place where she is staying and visited for a while. She was happy until everyone started leaving. For some reason, she acted like she was there for the first day, and was only looking at the place. She was shocked when I told her she had to stay. Then she got mad and agitated and demanded her car keys so she could leave and go home. She hasn't driven since last August. So the visit started nice but ended unhappy. I'm hoping when we change her medication she won't be as confused so she can understand things better. You can tell she's over medicated because her eyes are only half open like someone who is stoned. I feel bad for her, but we can't make her understand that she cannot take care of herself anymore. The place she is staying is absolutely gorgeous and wonderful, and staffed by extremely caring people. I just wish she was happier.

On the horse side, I let Noble and Sailor down into our front paddock (borders the road) for the first time this year. They ran down the hill like a couple of kids and got all excited when they saw how nice the grass was. So the horses had a good day. And I really think I should get Sailor a grazing muzzle, because she just can't control herself.

A real day off

Finally, today I had a day off, and really didn't have to be anywhere, except here in the morning when the vet came. Today was "spring shots" day. Sailor also had a Coggins drawn, and Noble had her teeth done. The vet who came was someone who hadn't been here before, and he was very thorough - and very young and cute! I'd heard about him from some of my friends, but hadn't met him yet. Anyway, he gave Noble an exam, and told me that she has a diastolic heart murmur. Seems there's a lot of noise when her heart fills up with blood. It could be an age thing, or she could have had it her whole life. So he gave her very light sedation to float her teeth. She was good about the whole thing, as usual. He also checked her eyes, and said that she has the beginnings of cataracts. So at 29, age is catching up with even tough old Noble. She hasn't slowed down a bit, though. After the sedation wore off, she was out in the paddock chasing Sailor as usual.

As good as Noble was, Sailor was a brat. She went into a back corner and put her head down when she saw the vet. When I tried to put a halter on, she started jumping around and it got a little dangerous, so he did Noble first. After the second try, I went into Sailor's stall and through the rope around her neck, and caught her that way. What a baby she is when it comes to the vet! And all she had done was a Coggins test, a rabies shot and a 5-way vaccine. It was over in 2 minutes. I'm going to have the vet return to do the West Nile shot, because I found that Noble got really under the weather if I included this one with the others.

In other news, my mom is now in a special "memory care" facility that is beautiful, and has a staff that knows how to deal with someone with dementia. It truly is lovely, and the people are wonderful and very patient. She has a very large room, and we brought her own double bed in yesterday so she will feel more at home. She is calmer than has she been of late, and is a little more lucid. Yesterday I had to take her to the doctor and then we went shopping at JCPenney, which she seemed to enjoy. So things are finally better, even though we don't have her meds figured out yet. I just found out that the staff psychiatrist saw her today and made a slight change. Hopefully we will get there.

thanks to all

Thanks to everyone for the birthday wishes for my 2 girls. Fascinating to hear that another Noble is having a 29th birthday! I took time this morning to give each horse a special grooming that including mane & tail trim and show sheen shine, extra currying to get out the loose hair, and for Sailor, cleaning in an - ahem - intimate area that gets a little cruddy during spring heat. By some miracle, both mares stood quietly and let me work on them, even though their morning hay was waiting outside.

My mom's situation is still a mess, and now the insurance company has stopped paying. So they are pushing us toward a nursing home, even though we feel the memory care center is better suited to her. My brother and I are feeling crushed by the system, and it's hard to keep the will to fight. They have upped her meds and she is hallucinating again. Unbelievable.

I will be writing a book about this experience, and think I have enough publishing contacts to get it published. My new motto: It's never too late to become what you might have been. (George Eliot)

Happy Birthday Noble and Sailor!

Almost forgot - Noble had a big day on April 18 - she turned 29! She's still looking good and as feisty as ever, and still very much the "boss mare." We celebrated Sailor's birthday too. I don't have the exact date, except that she was born in April 1998. So we had 2 birthday girls, who enjoyed a nice sunny day.

Still living at the hospital

Well, it's April 20, and unbelievably, my mom is still in the hospital. It has been such a roller coaster ride. The day of my last post, the doctor tried a new med, zyprexa, and she was out, unconscious for a full 2 days. So no more of those anti-psychotic meds. She has had good days, and some really bad ones, like today. But overall, she is walking like crazy, eating well, and attending to her personal needs herself. I think the stress of being in the hospital for so long is making her very antsy, and causing acting-out behavior. Her anxiety really increases by late afternoon. She can be coherent, in the here and now, but a few minutes later be convinced it's 20 years ago, or that we are at a party. Today she thought she went to a wake. The assisted living facility she had been living at came to evaluate her last week and said she was fine to return. But the director (who is a sick b**tch) sent an evaluation to the hospital saying mom needed full nursing care. It's obvious they didn't want her back and didn't have the guts to say so. We have refused to pay them any money for April, because 1) mom wasn't there; and 2) they basically threw her out.
So today my brother and I went to look at a nice "memory care" facility that specializes in dementia. It's beautiful, and offers so much more than where she was staying, and the staff understands the needs of someone like this and how to deal with them. We still have to check out a couple other places, but I was very impressed with the one we saw today, and it is very centrally located for family and friends.

Somehow I have managed to work through this (going to hospital in Saratoga, 45 minute drive, every day), but I am very behind in my work. Just a little more stress for the pile! I am so looking forward to the day when my biggest worry is what I am going to wear to work.

A miracle

After several days of hell in which it was unsure if we would get my mom functional again, I walked into her hospital room today and was shocked. She was sitting up in bed with her glasses on, and looked at me and said "Linda - where have you been?" I was stunned. I walked over to her and hugged her with tears streaming. She was animated and coherent. What a miracle. Yesterday the doctor was saying he wasn't sure if we would ever get her back from the state she had been drugged into. But I know she still needs some more time to clear the Haldol from her system, and there will be setbacks. Apparently she was irritable in the morning and threw a cup of water at a nurse. And she did have some confusion - she thought I was pregnant! I had to tell her no, at my age, I would make the newspapers if that happened.

But overall, the change from yesterday is so dramatic my family is thrilled. I hope this maintains. She was asking when she would be going home, but she has to have physical therapy just to walk again. She's been bedridden since Sunday, which is a long time for an elderly person. The other problem is where she is going to go, since we will not bring her back to the assisted living center that sent her down this hellish path. My mom is a true survivor. What she went through, many elderly people would not survive. And I am going to be hypervigiliant that this does not happen again. If I see any indication of a med causing an unsatisfactory effect, I will demand to have it taken away.

I'm hoping tonight that I will sleep for the first time in several nights. I am so exhausted, I couldn't work today. So I'm going to get ready for bed!

Sometimes life is too tough

I have been too overwhelmed by life lately to post anything on this blog. Most of it revolves around the mistreatment of my mom's dementia, but just when you think things can't get worse, they do. Last Friday my husband's cousin (age 56) went to visit her 90-year-old mom who fell and had surgery to repair a broken femur. While in town, she stayed with her brother, and died in her sleep there. She had no history of any illness or heart problem. That makes me want to get serious about living this life that I have, whatever is left.

My mom's situation could be described as comedy of errors, only it's not funny. About a month ago, she got a respiratory cold/flu thing that knocked her out for about a week. Only problem is, lately, when she gets sick, she goes off the wall with hallucinations and disconnected behavior. When she recovers from her short illness, she's fine again. But this time the assisted living place where she lives sent her to her doctor because of her strange behavior. He prescribed an antidepressant, that, in just 4 days, turned her into an out of control psychotic mess. My brother and I told the doctor to take her off the med, which he did. Unfortunately, she had a very rough week after this, as the med left her system. She became aggressive, irritable, and difficult for the staff at the home to manage. So they decided we should bring in a psych professional to help. Ironically, on the day this professional shows up, my mom was finally back on even keel after the anti-depressant misstep.

This new psych nurse practitioner examines my mom, and pronounces that at 77 years old, with no prior history of mental illness, mom is bi-polar. This was quite shocking to my brother and me, who figured we would have known it if mom had a disease this disruptive in our growin up years. But of course, we're only family (and therefore in denial), so we were told to go along with this program.

Mom was put on depakote and risperdol, and after one week, became so out of control, and psychotic that the home sent her to the psych unit at a local hospital. I picked her up there, and the doctor told me - she's not bi-polar, this is dementia. Which is what I had been telling the staff where she lives.

I bring her back to the home, and find out they have made arrangements to ship her out to a psych hospital in Saratoga to treat her bipolar. Naturally, I tell them in no uncertain terms that this is unacceptable, the woman has dementia. I'm told they are the professionals, blah blah, and she needs to get stabilized is she is to come back here. They promise me this place holds the key to getting her back on track.

So I cave, and with my brother, drive her to this hospital. Intake took 4 hours. After an extensive interview with the psychiatrist who will be treating her, she says, "your mom is not biopolar, she has dementia." Well, hallelujah, somebody gets it.

Mom is taken off the meds that rendered her incompetent, but put on haldol to help with hallucinations. Well, by Saturday, she was barely coherent and needed help walking. Today, I go to see her, and she is bedridden, totally psychotic, twitching, and cannot walk or even feed herself. I meet with the doctor, and tell her that this is not the outcome I had in mind. Two weeks ago, before all the meds, she was a functioning person, albeit with some dementia. But she could function. I spent a good part of the afternoon trying to comfort my mom, but I don't think she really even knew I was there. Obviously, I was livid. So I informed the doctors and nurses of the new game plan: she is to be taken off all psych meds, so that they could see what they were really working with. They did agree, miraculously. But what the hell - how can a medical professional not see that turning an elderly person into a vegetable is not a desirable outcome? What it comes down to is that nobody wants to deal with the weaning off process, when she will become combative and difficult. But if a psychiatric hospital can't deal with this, then who can? I have warned them that once she comes around, she will be panicked and difficult. The doc prescribed an anti-anxiety med that will hopefully help her get through this.

I am so drained with fighting the medical system - and very discouraged at what the future holds for our generation. What will they do when millions of people like this show up at their doors? I've tried unsuccessfully to get mom into a geriatrician. Apparently there is a critical shortage of this specialty, because there's no money in it. If there's a shortage now, what happens in 10, 20 years? I am so exhausted from living this nightmare, but there seems to be no end in sight.

Fixed it!

So my Twitter feed is back to the real me again. That was weird!
Thanks to all for the encouraging comments on yesterday's post. I'm hoping I'll find the right trail riding buddy for me.

Error on the site!

In case anybody checks, the Twitter update on this blog is not my twitter account! I don't know what happened, but I'll have to try and figure out how to change it back to my account. How strange is that!

Way too cold!

Today was way too cold for March 23. It was 16F degrees at 7:30 when I went out to feed the horses. Yikes! And there's been a strong north wind all day, just making things lovely. The horses have their winter blankets on. But it's going to get warmer starting tomorrow, so there's relief in sight.

To clarify yesterday's post (sorry Claire in the UK), my alma mater, Siena College, was playing in the national college basketball championships. NCAA is the National Collegiate Athletic Association, and this tournament is nicknamed "March Madness" here in the States. It is a very big deal, and many people (including Pres. Obama) follow the games religiously. For the sports-minded, it's all that people are talking about these days. It's a big accomplishment for a school (especially a small school) to even make it to the tournament. So that explains my little bragging session yesterday.

Back to horse stuff, I'm starting to browse horse sites to see what's for sale out there. I've decided a need solid horse that will always be ready to go, with no spookiness or issues. Noble is like that, but she's 29, so I can't work her too hard. I need a younger version of her, nothing fancy, just a sane, reliable mount who will take care of me.

The Cinderella Saints

My big excitement in the past couple of days was to watch my alma mater, Siena College go to the NCAA tournament and actually win the first game. I stayed up way too late watching it on Friday night, because it went to 2 overtimes, and Siena ended up winning in the final seconds of the second overtime. Truly exciting!
Tonight they played the nation's top team, Louisville, and gave them a game. The final score was 79-72, but Siena was ahead by 4 points at one time. The fact that Siena (with only 3,000 students) held their own against the best team in the country is a victory in itself. For this old-time cheerleader, it was really exciting, something I could never have dreamed of when I was a student back in the 70s.

Thanks!

Thanks to one and all for your thoughtful comments on my situation with Sailor. Basically the situation is this: last year, she threw me on 2 occasions, both times uncalled for. The first time she was upset because we had ridden back home, away from a yearling colt she wanted to visit with (we were just riding in my arena, when she suddenly blew up. I bailed, and she ran back down the road to her honey). Second time we (and other riders) got caught in a cloud of deer flies. Obviously it was distressing. Her headshaking (and she was wearing a bonnet) kept getting more violent, then suddenly turned to a massive buck. And I was airborne. She ran into some nearby woods, where her best buddy horse had just walked into. When she gets flustered, her brain just shuts down.

Part of the problem is no consistent work. When I got her back from training a couple of years ago, she was the perfect horse. No issues whatsoever. But after a winter layoff, she was back to square one. With consistent work several times a week, she is an amazing and pleasureable horse to ride. But unfortunately, my life does not allow for that. I really need a horse (like Noble) that will always be ready to ride, even if it's been a couple of months. Sailor has a very sweet personality, but she needs someone who will keep her in consistent work. She also needs a stronger leader than I am.

You're tuned to WMUD - All mud, all the time

So mud season is officially upon us. All I can say is thank god for muck boots. Without my trusty muck boots, there is no way I would go out in that oozy, fetid, cesspool of ankle-deep mud and manure. I feel bad putting the horses out in it, but there is no choice. At least when they leave the small paddock behind the barn, they can get to some areas that aren't as deep in mud. Right now the wind is blowing like crazy, so maybe it will wick some of the moisture out of the ground. Let's hope - because the temperature is dropping into the 20s tonight so any water out there will freeze. Is there any end to this?

I had a good conversation with my farrier the other day about my future (or maybe not) with Sailor. I'm seriously considering looking for another horse, one I know that I can depend on and will take care of me in my old age. However, I am committed to finding the right home for Sailor, where I know she will be well cared for. This is a scary thing for me to contemplate, because I am very fond of Sailor, who is sweet, but I know that I am not a confident enough rider to give her the confidence she needs to keep us both safe. I guess that's why my relationship with Noble has worked for almost 12 years: she's an alpha mare, super-confident, and just assumes she has to take care of things because I'm useless. While that's made for some arguments, when push comes to shove, she always does the right thing and never endangers me. Unfortunately, Sailor thinks of herself first. Anybody else have some thoughts on this process?

Recovery time

I haven't been on the computer much the past few days because I've been so sick. I mean sick like I haven't been in years. In spite of getting a flu shot, I came down with a god-awful flu that knocked me totally out of commission. The sort of thing where you're either in bed or on the couch, because anything more than that is way too exhausting. I've still got a bit of the nasty hacking cough, but my energy level is returning and the shooting pains through my arms & legs have stopped. Just in time to take care of my husband, who came home from work early with the same thing! So now he has staked a claim on the couch, and I will be responsible for horses, etc.

I actually didn't see the horses from last Friday AM until this morning. They seemed moderately excited to see me, but I think they were hoping for some hay. What they did get was a visit from the farrier, which wasn't what they had in mind. While it's not their idea of a good time, they were their usual good selves for him (which I appreciate, because he's probably the best farrier around here and I'd die if I lost him).

I'm still undecided about going back to work tomorrow, because even slight activity still tires me out. So I'll play it by ear and see how I feel tomorrow morning.

Having a heat wave

It was 25 degrees out when I went to work this morning, and it felt downright balmy. I didn't button my coat, and just enjoyed walking outside in the sun. But that was just a teaser, because tomorrow it's supposed to go up into the 40's. The downside is that there will be rain and maybe sleet. That's the northeast - you have to pick between cold and sunny or warm and rainy/snowy.

The girls are famous!

I sent the photo from yesterday's post in to our local ABC-TV affiliate (Ch. 10 in Albany) and they put it on the air during a weather segment. So Noble and Sailor got their 30 seconds of TV fame. Thanks to weatherman Steve Caporizzo for putting us on the air.

Enough snow!

I should have gone into work today, but as you can see from this photo, the weather was uncooperative. As bad as the snow is here, it was even worse in southern Vermont, where I work. So it was a very boring day, too much time on Twitter and other such nonsense. Notice that the horses are eternal optimists, grazing in spite of the snow cover.

Trying out the Ping thing. Sort of one-stop shopping for social networks.

Rain and more rain

When I fed the horses this morning, it was sunny and there was still snow on the ground. But the temperature went up to about 50, and by afternoon it was raining. Tonight when I got home and opened the back door of the barn, the sight stopped me in my tracks. With the snow melted, all that remains is various decaying stages of manure. Absolutely hideous, especially as it is mixing with mud. The snow just outside the back door of the barn has compacted into an ice shelf about 3-4" thick. The only thing that keeps me from going flying is the manure that is impregnated in it. Thank god for muck boots! I fed the horses dinner in the run-in shed, and they miraculously went in. Actually, there was quite a bit of manure in there, so I think they figured out it was more pleasant to be under cover. I'll bring them in a little early tonight and take off their wet sheets. They stay amazing dry under the sheets, but their heads and necks will be soaked. Because it's going down into the 20s tonight (crazy weather) I'll have to put winter blankets back on. Is it spring yet?

Wishing for hay on a winter's day

Noble peeking over the fence, hoping I'm bringing her hay.

Busy week

At least the weather has improved since my last post. Well, sort of. Sunny and nice yesterday, so I took my car through the car wash. My reward was waking up today to a wet snowfall. So by the time I got to work in Manchester, it was hard to tell that my car was clean just a few hours ago. Winter in the northeast: if it's dry so your car will stay clean, it will be way too cold to wash it (as in teens or single digits). So when the sun is shining, we all drive around with filthy cars because we don't want the door locks to freeze. Then, when it warms up so that it's safe to clean your car, it either snows or rains. Either way, you've got a clean car for less than 5 minutes. Hardly worth the $6 to drive to run the car through the Laser Wash.

Just for fun, my old mare Noble decided she would like her own blog so she could have her say for the world. She's at The Marezilla Rant. It's quite interesting, and she has loads to say.

Tomorrow it's going to be warm (40's) but high winds and rain, so the horses will have to wear their sheets. Noble especially gets very chilled and visibly shakes in this kind of weather, so I have to keep her from getting soaked through. I think Sailor appreciates staying dry, too. Of course the knuckleheads could always go in the run-in shed to get out of the rain, but that would be too easy.

Right now I'm waiting for my son to call. His plane should be landing in L.A. any time. He's going to visit a couple of friends from high school who are living out there. But I'll worry until I hear from him!

Calm after the storm

It snowed all day yesterday, leaving about 8 inches of heavy wet snow on the ground. So I stayed home, doing stuff around the house. The horses were covered when the came in last, and so wet I changed their blankets. Noble even had icicles hanging off her neck and mane. The coats were actually frozen stiff like boards, because by 9 pm the temperature had dropped to about 20 degrees. Lovely! The only way to thaw them is to bring the heavy things in to the basement. Today is colder, but at least it's dry and the sun is out.
Maybe I'll try out the treadmill that I brought from my mom's house.

Another storm on the way!

Today was the calm before the storm, so to speak. Tonight snow starts, and depending on who you listen to, we're going to get anywhere from 5 to 9 inches of snow. Better than ice, I guess.
Last night I worked an author event at the store. Small crowd, but then it was snowing like crazy (plust high wind) in Manchester. Had a miserable drive through blinding snow and slippery roads for a good part of the way home. But when I got close to NY (I work in Vermont) the snow stopped and the roads were dry.
Today I went down to Albany to visit my mom, then went to my sister-in-laws to deliver my old walker to her. She broke her ankle last week, not as serious as my break 3 years ago (she didn't need surgery), but she's still plenty miserable about her situation. So I stayed for a while and commiserated with her, let her know that it's OK to feel sorry for herself sometimes.
Not much horse time today, because I was barely at home. I hope they don't feel too neglected. But as long as they're eating well, I'm sure all is forgiven.

It's snowing

Just as much of the snow was melting, here comes a fairly big storm. Today started nice, sunny with no wind, but by lunchtime it was getting cloudy and a very strong wind whipped up. By 3 pm or so it looked like blizzard conditions outside. I had an appointment in late morning for a freelance writing job, so I was fortunate to get that done before the snow started. I also took out time to have lunch with my son, which was nice.
The horses have snow built up on their blankets, but at least they are staying dry underneath. Because the temperature is relatively warm (low 30s) I think I'm going to give them both dry blankets when I bring them in the barn. It seems like the wet snow on their necks melts and then runs down along their chests, making the area around the front of the blanket all wet, including a little underneath. But overall, I love the waterproof Weatherbeeta blankets. They're moderately priced, wear like iron, and keep my girls warm and dry.

Busy weekend

The weekend flew by. Went to visit my mom(who's in assisted living near Albany) and brought her some furniture from her house. Went out to dinner when we got home at a local spot. Guess you could call it a Valentine's Day dinner, although that wasn't the intent (wouldn't occur to my husband). Sunday I had to work at the bookstore for a big author event. Guy from the NY Times with a new book (the Inheritance) drew a ton of people, about 250. So I was very busy getting ready and making sure all ran smoothly, which it fortunately did. My reward today was waking up with a nasty migraine that has managed to stick around all day. So it was pretty much a wasted day.Tough family news: my sister-in-law fell ice skating on Saturday night (they have a backyard rink) and broke her leg (tibia/fibula) just as I did 3 years ago. But hers is less traumatic; she doesn't need surgery, thank god. Still, I feel so bad for her, because I know what a long haul she is facing.

Warm-up: Brief but nice

Second try at this post: the stupid computer lost its mind and couldn't save it. What I was trying to say is that we had a brief warmup, with the temperature hitting 50 on Wednesday. I took the opportunity to attack the glacier that had formed in the driveway from the house to the barn. After a lot of chopping, I was able to clear a path down to the gravel. But I'm still wearing cleats on my boots, because the daytime puddles become nighttime ice. Even though parts of the paddock are a little icy, the horses are being very careful and seem to be navigating OK. What's turning out to be an annoying problem is that Noble doesn't think she can move to the outer parts of the paddock. So all the manure is being concentrated in a small area. It's getting really nasty. And I can't remove it because it's frozen to the ice/snow cover. When it warms up, the aroma is rather pungent, shall we say. But it's nothing compared to what it will be like come mud season when it all melts into ankle-deep slop. Thank god for muck boots!

Is it spring yet?

It's only Feb. 9, and I don't know how much more of the cold weather I can stand. If I didn't have two hungry mares waiting for me in the barn, I sure wouldn't have been outside at 7 am this morning. With a little warmup over the weekend, then cold temps again, we have a lovely skating rink that leads from my back door to the barn. It's impossible to get there without cleats on my boots. The worst thing is, I know we have a LONG way to go before winter is over. Up here in northern NY, March is just another winter month. Things will get a little better in April, but that's still a long ways away. I need to go someplace warm! I'm seriously thinking about going to visit my friend Cheryl, who packed up her horses and moved to North Carolina for the winter. She's a smart friend!

Outhouse race followup

Regarding the Outhouse Race pictured yesterday: I don't know if there is an actual "prize" for coming in first, other than a trophy of sorts and bragging rights to the fastest outhouse on the lake! My son's team came in 5th (out of 10). Not bad, considering they just built the thing last week and had no preparation or idea of what they were doing. Beer, however, was involved. When you have a 32-mile long lake that freezes from end to end, people come up with things to do on it. I think there are also snowmobile races, car races, motorcycle races, and ATV races. The festival opened up yesterday with skydivers landing on the lake.
My son's a real Adirondacker - he loves to snowmobile, rock climb, and now he wants to get into ice climbing. The irony is, he wants to leave the area, because he's convinced it must be better someplace else.

Lake George Winter Carnival Outhouse Races

Down the stretch! It's Team Longshots heading for the finish in the outhouse they constructed last week. My son Craig is the passenger inside on the "throne." It was a sunny and beautiful day out on the lake. I guess this is how we amuse ourselves in the Adirondacks!

Another Cielle pic at 5 months (taken Sept. 08). She has her mom's kind eye.

Here's Cielle at 5 months, being led outside by her buddy/barn foreman, Felix, a 7 month-old Jack Russell. She thinks this is perfectly normal to be led by a tiny dog.

Mommy & me!

Here's a beautiful photo taken last spring of my friend Cheryl's mare, Leora, and her gorgeous filly, Cielle (born last April). Cielle is growing like crazy and is now almost 14 hands tall. She's a luv, just like her mom. Leora is an off-the-track thoroughbred who had a nice hunter jumper and eventing career. Cielle is thoroughbred/Hanoverian.

This is a photo of Lake George, looking north toward Bolton Landing, taken Jan. 31 by my son Craig who was snowmobiling up the lake with friends. It looks lovely, but it was cold (only about 20) that day. I think the big mountain is Tongue Mt., and to the lower right is Dome Island, a nature preserve on which people are not allowed. Craig said it was a great way to be out enjoying the lake, even if the water was frozen!

Noble enjoys her grain while the snow swirls around her. I'll be bringing them in the barn in a little while so they can sleep on a nice dry bed of shavings, out of the weather.

Here's the scene this afternoon during the snowstorm. The horses are desperate to find something to graze on (even though I gave them hay about an hour before this).

Sailor Moon, my Appaloosa. She's 10, a very sweet girl, but needs to be more dependable for me to ride. She dumped me last July and I haven't gotten over it yet. I don't know how many good bounces I have left in me! She's had some good professional training, but is the kind of horse that needs constant work to keep her head and not get flustered. And that's hard to do in an area where winter lasts 6 months.

Noble getting a treat from niece Kristen, taken a couple of years ago. I loved this moment. Now Kristen is 13 going on 14, and WAY too cool for sweet moments like this.

Snowstorm

We're in the early stages of a snowstorm that could dump 14" of snow on us today. It's starting to get thicker, and the wind is whipping up. The horses are out, blanketed, but still getting covered with snow. They do have the option of going in the run-in shed, if it gets too bad. I was supposed to go to Glens Falls today for a haircut, but that got cancelled because my hairdresser (who lives in Saratoga) didn't want to make the drive either. So here I am, snowed in with not much to do. Yuck. And the stores are all having great sales. Tomorrow it's back to work.

Frozen solid

It was way too cold today. I didn't realize it was below zero when I went out to feed the horses this morning. I couldn't understand why my hands got cold so fast in my gloves, to the point of physical pain. So I fed them, cleaned up their stalls a bit, and ran back to the house. The farrier was supposed to come at 9 am, but he called about 8:45 to say that his truck wouldn't start because of the extreme cold. It runs on diesel fuel, which gels up in these temperatures. He finally got here about 12:30, and I just about froze to death just hanging out in the barn visiting with him while he trimmed the horses' feet. At one point, I excused myself and went back to the house so I could feel my toes again. After getting warm, I went back out while he finished the second horse, Sailor. The stalls were trashed from them spending so much time there today, so I cleaned until the pain in my hands and feet got to be too much, and then ran back inside. I have very warm boots and gloves, but I've come to the conclusion that they just don't make them insulated enough to keep me warm. How many months until spring?

Cold again

After one pleasant day of warm temperatues in the 30s (on Friday) we're back to the icebox again. Today's temperature is around 15 degrees, with a very strong wind. It's no fun to be outside. Even the cats go out for just a few minutes, then ask to come back in. The horses both have warm blankets on, so I think they are as comfortable as I can make them in this weather. The only saving grace is that it's been sunny most of the day - but that doesn't matter a heck of a lot.

Last night we went out to dinner, at one of our favorite restaurants, The Barn, in Pawlet, Vermont. It's a real 100+year old barn that has been converted into a rustic restaurant with fine dining. Even though it was a Saturday, this usually busy place had a lean crowd. I'm assuming we're seeing the effect of the lame economy. But the good news for us was that we got a great table, right next to the immense floor to ceiling stone fireplace. Great ambiance, great food, and a much-needed night out.

Today is a quiet day, with various indoor housekeeping things to do. Tomorrow, my farrier, Larry, comes in the morning to trim their feet. I'll have to bundle up to sit and visit with him for the 2 hours or so it will take. But he usually has great gossip about the local horse community, which is nice when you have your horses at home and can feel isolated.

Great inauguration!

Still basking in the glow of Obama's magnificent speech and all the pomp and circumstance of the inauguration. It feels great to have a fresh start - a chance to start fixing the horrible mistakes of the past 8 years. To go from a Divider to a Unifier - now that's progress!

Inauguration tomorrow!

So, like most of the rest of the world, I am psyched about the inauguration tomorrow. Here's hoping for a massive sea-change in this country! For my little part, I have to set up a streaming video of the event at the bookstore tomorrow. We have customers who want to watch it at the store, so I hope I don't run into any technical glitches (as I'm prone to do). At least our IT guy should be there, just in case. Go President Obama!

More snow

Well, the good news is that the temperature finally warmed up a bit. We hit a balmy 28 degrees this afternoon, making it feel almost like spring after the sub-zero weather of the past week. But the bad news is that we got more snow, so I didn't go anywhere today. Tomorrow there are more flurries on the way, but I hope it will be driveable because I'm thinking of going to Albany to visit my mom, who is in an assisted living facility there.

The cats, Lacey and Freya, are going crazy from being house-bound. They have not wanted to go outdoors for most of the past week because of the extreme temperatures. So they are bored out of their minds, chasing each other around, searching out long-lost cat toys, and yelling at me to do something for their entertainment. So much for barn cats! Lacey is Freya's mom. In April 2007, Lacey gave birth to 4 kittens in our hayloft. I discovered them when they were about a week old, and Lacey was starving. So I brought her food and water, and made a box bed for the little family. For this kindness, Lacey has bonded with me and is stuck to me like glue. I convinced JD to let me keep Freya and her mom (both have been spayed) and found good homes for the remaining kittens.

The plan was to have 2 good mousers. We already knew that Lacey had great talent in this area because she had cleaned out our barn of all the mice that had plagued us. Alas, things have not worked out quite as well. Lacey has taken to living the good life as a kept cat, and only hunts for amusement now. She is no longer skin and bones, thankfully, but has filled out to be a full-figured lady. With her long hair, she's quite a commanding presence. So I was hoping Freya would take up the slack as mouser #2, but she finds it too convenient to attack the birds who hang outside our back door on their way to the bird feeder. Yesterday she brought a bird into the house, and it was quite a sight - me and 2 cats all trying to be the first to capture the poor scared thing, which was flying into the windows trying to escape. I finally prevailed, and after checking it over, released it back outside. Meanwhile, this afternoon I found a dead mouse out in the trap in the tack room. So our cats are not earning their keep, and the bird population is literally looking over its shoulder at the feeder, waiting for the next terrorist attack. So much for my great plan.

Welcome to Noble Ridge Farm!

This is my attempt to create a literate blog about life on a small horse farm in upstate New York. You'll hear about the trials and tribulations and joys of taking on such a venture in midlife, along with possibly a little editorializing about anything that happens to get my dander up. Right now we are in a deep freeze, with temperatures going as long as -26F at night. But it does go up to about 10 degrees during the day, thankfully. Horsekeeping in this weather is not for sissies. In fact, I'm off right now to bring the beasties in for the night, to give them a chance to warm up on a bed of fresh shavings and chow down on some sweet second-cut hay.