It gets worse

Since my last entry, things have gone totally downhill with my mom. The Tuesday after Mother's Day, she bit a staff member at assisted living, and we were told we had to get her out that day. I found a very nice private home (state licensed) that would take her. The first day wasn't too bad, but the second day she became so violent and out of control the woman had no choice but to bring her to the ER at a local hospital. She is still there, and constantly medicated to the point of being bedridden so she is not combative. It is a pitiful sight, she is barely conscious, unable to feed herself, and tied to the bed. I cannot believe this has happened in a matter of weeks. Her insurance company is refusing to pay for her hospital admission, saying she doesn't need the care. We cannot find a nursing home that will take her with her severe dementia issues. This is a nightmare that doesn't end. Fortunately, she has a DNR order. I am at the point where death would be kinder than the existence that she has been sentenced to. For a woman who spent her entire life giving to others, this is a cruel way to finish her final years.

Happy Mother's Day

For Mother's Day, my entire family took my mom out to Friendly's for ice cream sundaes. Given her current state, we figured it was what she could handle. She seemed to enjoy herself (even though she's still groggy from the med she's taking). Afterward, we all went back to the assisted living place where she is staying and visited for a while. She was happy until everyone started leaving. For some reason, she acted like she was there for the first day, and was only looking at the place. She was shocked when I told her she had to stay. Then she got mad and agitated and demanded her car keys so she could leave and go home. She hasn't driven since last August. So the visit started nice but ended unhappy. I'm hoping when we change her medication she won't be as confused so she can understand things better. You can tell she's over medicated because her eyes are only half open like someone who is stoned. I feel bad for her, but we can't make her understand that she cannot take care of herself anymore. The place she is staying is absolutely gorgeous and wonderful, and staffed by extremely caring people. I just wish she was happier.

On the horse side, I let Noble and Sailor down into our front paddock (borders the road) for the first time this year. They ran down the hill like a couple of kids and got all excited when they saw how nice the grass was. So the horses had a good day. And I really think I should get Sailor a grazing muzzle, because she just can't control herself.

A real day off

Finally, today I had a day off, and really didn't have to be anywhere, except here in the morning when the vet came. Today was "spring shots" day. Sailor also had a Coggins drawn, and Noble had her teeth done. The vet who came was someone who hadn't been here before, and he was very thorough - and very young and cute! I'd heard about him from some of my friends, but hadn't met him yet. Anyway, he gave Noble an exam, and told me that she has a diastolic heart murmur. Seems there's a lot of noise when her heart fills up with blood. It could be an age thing, or she could have had it her whole life. So he gave her very light sedation to float her teeth. She was good about the whole thing, as usual. He also checked her eyes, and said that she has the beginnings of cataracts. So at 29, age is catching up with even tough old Noble. She hasn't slowed down a bit, though. After the sedation wore off, she was out in the paddock chasing Sailor as usual.

As good as Noble was, Sailor was a brat. She went into a back corner and put her head down when she saw the vet. When I tried to put a halter on, she started jumping around and it got a little dangerous, so he did Noble first. After the second try, I went into Sailor's stall and through the rope around her neck, and caught her that way. What a baby she is when it comes to the vet! And all she had done was a Coggins test, a rabies shot and a 5-way vaccine. It was over in 2 minutes. I'm going to have the vet return to do the West Nile shot, because I found that Noble got really under the weather if I included this one with the others.

In other news, my mom is now in a special "memory care" facility that is beautiful, and has a staff that knows how to deal with someone with dementia. It truly is lovely, and the people are wonderful and very patient. She has a very large room, and we brought her own double bed in yesterday so she will feel more at home. She is calmer than has she been of late, and is a little more lucid. Yesterday I had to take her to the doctor and then we went shopping at JCPenney, which she seemed to enjoy. So things are finally better, even though we don't have her meds figured out yet. I just found out that the staff psychiatrist saw her today and made a slight change. Hopefully we will get there.

thanks to all

Thanks to everyone for the birthday wishes for my 2 girls. Fascinating to hear that another Noble is having a 29th birthday! I took time this morning to give each horse a special grooming that including mane & tail trim and show sheen shine, extra currying to get out the loose hair, and for Sailor, cleaning in an - ahem - intimate area that gets a little cruddy during spring heat. By some miracle, both mares stood quietly and let me work on them, even though their morning hay was waiting outside.

My mom's situation is still a mess, and now the insurance company has stopped paying. So they are pushing us toward a nursing home, even though we feel the memory care center is better suited to her. My brother and I are feeling crushed by the system, and it's hard to keep the will to fight. They have upped her meds and she is hallucinating again. Unbelievable.

I will be writing a book about this experience, and think I have enough publishing contacts to get it published. My new motto: It's never too late to become what you might have been. (George Eliot)

Happy Birthday Noble and Sailor!

Almost forgot - Noble had a big day on April 18 - she turned 29! She's still looking good and as feisty as ever, and still very much the "boss mare." We celebrated Sailor's birthday too. I don't have the exact date, except that she was born in April 1998. So we had 2 birthday girls, who enjoyed a nice sunny day.

Still living at the hospital

Well, it's April 20, and unbelievably, my mom is still in the hospital. It has been such a roller coaster ride. The day of my last post, the doctor tried a new med, zyprexa, and she was out, unconscious for a full 2 days. So no more of those anti-psychotic meds. She has had good days, and some really bad ones, like today. But overall, she is walking like crazy, eating well, and attending to her personal needs herself. I think the stress of being in the hospital for so long is making her very antsy, and causing acting-out behavior. Her anxiety really increases by late afternoon. She can be coherent, in the here and now, but a few minutes later be convinced it's 20 years ago, or that we are at a party. Today she thought she went to a wake. The assisted living facility she had been living at came to evaluate her last week and said she was fine to return. But the director (who is a sick b**tch) sent an evaluation to the hospital saying mom needed full nursing care. It's obvious they didn't want her back and didn't have the guts to say so. We have refused to pay them any money for April, because 1) mom wasn't there; and 2) they basically threw her out.
So today my brother and I went to look at a nice "memory care" facility that specializes in dementia. It's beautiful, and offers so much more than where she was staying, and the staff understands the needs of someone like this and how to deal with them. We still have to check out a couple other places, but I was very impressed with the one we saw today, and it is very centrally located for family and friends.

Somehow I have managed to work through this (going to hospital in Saratoga, 45 minute drive, every day), but I am very behind in my work. Just a little more stress for the pile! I am so looking forward to the day when my biggest worry is what I am going to wear to work.

A miracle

After several days of hell in which it was unsure if we would get my mom functional again, I walked into her hospital room today and was shocked. She was sitting up in bed with her glasses on, and looked at me and said "Linda - where have you been?" I was stunned. I walked over to her and hugged her with tears streaming. She was animated and coherent. What a miracle. Yesterday the doctor was saying he wasn't sure if we would ever get her back from the state she had been drugged into. But I know she still needs some more time to clear the Haldol from her system, and there will be setbacks. Apparently she was irritable in the morning and threw a cup of water at a nurse. And she did have some confusion - she thought I was pregnant! I had to tell her no, at my age, I would make the newspapers if that happened.

But overall, the change from yesterday is so dramatic my family is thrilled. I hope this maintains. She was asking when she would be going home, but she has to have physical therapy just to walk again. She's been bedridden since Sunday, which is a long time for an elderly person. The other problem is where she is going to go, since we will not bring her back to the assisted living center that sent her down this hellish path. My mom is a true survivor. What she went through, many elderly people would not survive. And I am going to be hypervigiliant that this does not happen again. If I see any indication of a med causing an unsatisfactory effect, I will demand to have it taken away.

I'm hoping tonight that I will sleep for the first time in several nights. I am so exhausted, I couldn't work today. So I'm going to get ready for bed!